I am not a bad parent. In fact, I like to think I am a pretty good parent. No matter what my kids will tell you. They are both healthy, smart, somewhat well behaved, and kinda listen when I tell them something. I know that might not sound good but ask any parent, or anyone who has ever been to Chuckie Cheese, that is a huge accomplishment.
But, based on the title of this post, I guess I have to be honest. I’m not perfect, and sometimes I make mistakes. Which, shouldn’t be a big deal, I mean every parent makes a few mistakes. Which shouldn’t be a big deal, but my girls like me talk (a lot) and they like to tell stories.
These stories they sometimes embellish or omit important details causing me to look like a really bad parent. It still amazes me that my kid’s teachers and coaches haven’t called CPS with some of the things my girls said to them. Things like:
5 – Daddy beats us all the time.
I figured I would start with one of the worst bad parent stories my girls have ever told. Something that sounds really bad. But let me tell you the rest of the story. It’s true I did beat them………. in Uno. We were playing cards. The omission of those two little words makes a HUGE difference in the statement. I don’t believe in letting my kids win. I think everyone learns more from failure than success, that and I like to win.
4 – Daddy spent the entire day on his computer.
Technically, when they told their mother this they were telling the truth. I did spend the day on my computer. But it wasn’t at the girl’s expense. I wasn’t ignoring them. We, as in the girls and I were making a video. Take a look –
It was something we were doing together. It was the day’s activity. We spent the time setting up the shots, looking at old videos, and putting the trailer together. But that’s not what they told their Grandma. Just that dad spent the day on the computer.
3 – Daddy left us at the store.
Here is another example that wouldn’t make me look like a bad parent if my girls could just finish the story. Yes, I left them at the store, WITH THEIR MOTHER. I didn’t ditch my kids. I left early so I could go home and make dinner. There was no abandonment, although more than once when they were being horrible at a store I truly considered it.
2 – Daddy drinks beer all the time!!
This one happened at my girl’s gym class. While waiting for the class to start my daughter pointed to a Coke machine and said: “Daddy, you should get a beer!” They then turned to the gym coaches and said ” Daddy drinks beer all the time! He drinks a LOT of beer”
I stared blankly at the coaches unsure if I should defend my drinking or start explaining why my then 4-year-old daughter knew what beer was. As I fumbled for words I managed to explain that craft beer is my hobby. I write about craft beer and have guested on a few podcasts about beer.
Often when going to dinner as a family we end up at one of the Family Friendly Breweries near my house. I wasn’t getting smashed daily. The coaches laughed. To this day I am not sure if the laugh was at the kid’s mistake or at my fumbling attempt to convince them I wasn’t a drunk.
1 – Daddy stays home all day.
What they meant was I stayed home with them all day. It’s what I do. I am a stay-at-home dad. It’s right there in the name. But that isn’t how they explained it to their teacher and their class. My daughter proudly told all of them that her father was a bum.
They didn’t mean it but implied that I was a deadbeat mooching of their mother. Which is kind of true after all, she was significantly more successful than I was when we were both working. Which naturally meant she paid more of our bills then I did. But we made the decision for me to stay home together because we thought it was the best thing for our family. Not because I was fired or unable to get a job.
I will admit, in hindsight, I do find these stories kind of funny. I hope I am not alone in this, or I just wasted a bunch of time writing this, and you wasted a bunch of time reading it. If your kids have embarrassed you please let me know in the comments.
If you want to read some more of the crazy things my kids have said check out my post 3 Reasons I am Happy to Hear My Kid Swearing
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