7 Insulting Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Stay At Home Dad

By | February 12, 2019

I know they are probably not doing it on purpose. They are just asking questions or trying to carry a conversation. But I wanted to let all of you out there know there are some things you shouldn’t say to a stay at home dad

Some people think these are compliments, and others just don’t understand why it might bother us. So allow me dear readers to enlighten you about things you shouldn’t say to a stay at home dad.

7, Are you looking for a job?

What Dads Hear – You can’t possibly be happy doing this. Actually, yeah I’m very happy doing this and no I’m not looking for a job. I made a choice. I decided that I wanted my wife to follow her career and I decided that I wanted to take care of my family.

Now if my family ever needed the money for whatever reason I would go back to work in a minute. It isn’t that don’t want to work. I just love what I do. Even though the stress level is high, the pay sucks and sick days are non-existant.

I am not looking for a job because I already have one I love. I am a professional Dad and trust me, there are plenty of days where this job is a hell of a lot harder than the “jobs” I did before I choose to raise our kids.

6, I wish I could stay home –

What Dad’s Hear – I wish I didn’t have to work – How is it in this day and age where everyone knows the value of a stay at home mom people still think stay at home dads just sit around all day and play video games?

These people think my day is just lounging around the house maybe playing with the kids for a few minutes. They look forward to not having a boss or co-workers to deal with. Well, I do have co-workers. It’s just that at one time I had to wipe their butts, give them baths, and put up with their whining 24/7. – I will admit that last one you may have too.

They people what to stay home but forget about the diapers and the dishes. The fighting and the crying, (both the kids as well as mine). They only remember the fun parts and forget I have a boss too, and trust me she can be mean. (sorry honey)

5, Is this Mommy’s day off?

What Dads Hear – Dad with kids must be a special occasion
I get it. You are used to seeing more women out with their kids than men. But even though I have talked about this one before, it seems I have to keep telling people. It doesn’t need to be a special occasion for me to be out with my girls.

I take them to the store, the movies, out to lunch, to the doctors and to the playground all the time. It isn’t because my wife needs a break. Often it is because she is at work and CPS frowns on that whole leaving them unsupervised thing. 

4, I could never do THAT

What Dads Hear – That is beneath me. This one is kind of hard because not only does it normally come from other men, but inflection and tone mean a lot when it comes to this one. In some cases, the person could be genuine. They are being honest about how hard the job is.

But too often, it is said in a dismissive matter. It isn’t someone acknowledging the difficulties I talked about higher up in this list. It is the opposite. Someone who needs the validation of their title. Someone who needs their morning latte and their business card.

They couldn’t do it because they don’t see staying home with the kids as fulfilling enough. It doesn’t boost their ego and it isn’t something they can brag to their friends about. I’ll be honest I feel sorry for these people.

3, Wow you’re really good with kids  

What Dads Hear -You’re really good at that for a man I tend to get this one from older women. They say it with such surprise and glee in their voice. I know they mean well, but still, I have to wonder if they would say that to a mom met out and about?

I don’t think they would. It wouldn’t be a big deal for a mom to handle her kids, and it should be a big deal that I can as well.

This one if I am being honest is a bit of a gut punch to moms as well. I am doing the same about of work as they are but it’s special when I do it. It’s just expected of them. I am not sure if that is more insulting or less but I am pretty sure there isn’t a mom out there that would like it to be said about them.

2 Did you get laid off?

What Dads Hear -There is no way you would choose to do this.
Nope, I didn’t get laid off. I wasn’t fired. I didn’t get hurt and I didn’t have trouble finding a job.

Being a stay at home dad was not forced on me in any way. It didn’t happen by accident.  I chose to stay at home, to leave my job and I chose to take care of my family. I chose to be a stay at home dad.

Why is this so hard for people to understand? Why does making this choice seem so foreign to people? I’ll be honest. Much like what constitues a catch in the NFL, I just don’t understand this one.

1, You’re Mr. Mom!

What Dads Hear -Only Mom’s take care of kids – The big one. The most insulting thing you could say to a stay at home dad. Please understand Mr. Mom, it is an insult or an old Michael Keaton Movie with a kinda insulting title.

Basically what you’re saying that Dad’s don’t raise their kids. Only Mom’s do. You’re saying that if I raise my kids I must be a Mom, but a guy. That alone is kind of insulting.

But that isn’t the worst of it. You are also saying that raising a child is a women’s job. That’s right, you’re sexist. You’re saying that raising kids is women’s work. My wife is proud of her career. I am proud of what she has accomplished. What gives you the right to tell her that raising our kids should be her responsiblity?

I have two daughters and if they want to be stay at home moms I am all for it. But if they decide they want to be a doctor, a lawyer or run a company, well I am all for that too.

There is nothing wrong with a man raising his kids. And we don’t need to be male moms. We already have a word to describe a male parent. It’s Dad.

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One thought on “7 Insulting Things You Shouldn’t Say To A Stay At Home Dad

  1. Gary Vroenen

    Haha I am wiping tears and shaking my head! I am a pro dad as well I have twin 4 year old girls and a 2 year old boy. My favorite is “boy you’ve your hands full” Duh! And then some. Meanwhile a mom walks right by me with 4 kids and no one says anything. They have never seen me put all of my kids on a Stand up paddleboards head out to the lake and go stand up paddle fishing. A trip to Costco ain’t poo, and let’s see mom try that one. I loved this blog thank you.
    Gary Vroenen,

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