7 Things About Little Kids I Am Done With

By | October 7, 2014

I love having kids. I love that I am lucky enough to stay home and raise my girls. It is a tremendously rewarding and a challenge I look forward to every day. (Well except Saturdays. Would it kill them to sleep in just once? ) It is amazing how they progress through each stage as they grow up. It goes by so fast that I do my best to not miss a thing.
There are a few things though, that can’t go by quick enough. These things just need to be over. I am not looking forward to my girls being teenagers and the stress that will bring. But these few things they can stop any time:
1, – I Can’t Wait Until The Kids Sleep Past 6 am. 
Like I stated above my kids don’t sleep in ever. For some unknown reason both my girls are incapable of sleeping past six am for those of you who have kids that do sleep in, I hate you. Please know how lucky you are. On the rare occasion when one of them actually sleep till seven am the other will be up and ready to go. Don’t tell me to put them to bed later. I could put our youngest down to sleep at 5am and she would be up at 6 ready to go. She may crash in a few hours, but first she will be sure I am awake and unable to go back to bed. Soon our older daughter will be able to get herself and her sister some cereal and allow my wife and I a few extra minutes sleep. That day couldn’t come soon enough.
2, – Diaper Bags
I travel light. I shopped for weeks to find the thinnest wallet possible. I clean that wallet out  often so it doesn’t get to big. I was excited about the idea of Apple Pay because that means an even thinner wallet. But when I had kids and started carrying a diaper bag filled with snacks and diapers and spare clothes and toys and from how heavy it feels probably a few rocks and a brick for good measure. I know this stuff is needed, all it takes is for me to forget the bag once and I guarantee a diaper will be needed.  The worst is when I am left holding the bag and the kids aren’t right with me. Then instead of the prepared dad I am just a man with a purse.
3, – Seeing Every Thing I Cook Twice
Yup, I mean poop.  I am tired of poop. I so look forward to the day where the only butt I have to wipe is my own. My older daughter doesn’t require much help but her little sister is another story. She is in the process of learning how to use the potty. She knows when she poops, and she doesn’t want it in her pants. I have talked before about how she will remove a dirty diaper by herself. It isn’t getting any better. When I dress her in the morning I always pick an outfit that matches more than one pair of pants. Why? because the first pair will be covered in poop by the end of the day.
4, – I Miss Swearing.
I can’t swear. Well, at least not around the kids, They will tell their Mom what I said in a minute. Of course, This wouldn’t be a problem if I was alone, but I am always around them. I like to swear and I’m good at it. I played sports in my younger days and had entire locker room conversations that consisted of only profanity. Sometimes a bellowing string of profanity is the best way to deal with a stubbed toe or even to release the stress my little censors have created. I honestly don’t know any other way to describe the disappointment I feel every time I watch the Detroit Lions play. Although to be honest if they don’t win a playoff game this year I plan to petition to have their team named changed to a certain four-letter fecal based curse word.
5, – I Am Tired Of Cleaning The Entire House Every Day.
It doesn’t matter how much time or effort I put into cleaning the house, it is trashed by bedtime. I could have the entire house perfectly clean, the kids will come home and five minutes later it is trashed again. I don’t know how they do it. Toys everywhere. Things that are only seconds old tore up or stained. I can give them saltines crackers and water for a snack, leave the room, and come back to a bright blue stain on the carpet. Now if it was a wine color I know where it “may” have come from, my wife. I don’t waste booze.
6, – No More Fights for Dinner 
One of the most loaded, guaranteed to start a fight at our house is, “What do you want for dinner?” It could be at a restaurant or at home but whatever we are having is the one thing the girls absolutely do not want. This even holds true when I let them pick what is for dinner. In the time it takes me to prepare whatever they picked they decide that they want something else. I refuse to make something else, and the fight ensues. We will now spend the next hour or so sitting at the table while they cry and I plead with them to “just eat”.
 7, – The Screaming
I hate the screaming. It doesn’t matter what is going on. They could be mad, be happy, sad. Maybe they are just bored. It doesn’t matter all I hear is the same scream. It’s loud and it cuts to the center of my brain. I have tried on many occasions to ask them to quiet down. Reserve the scream for an injury or something serious. My daughter responded by screaming because her sister dropped her sippy cup in the car. Of everything on this list I am most looking forward to the end of the scream.
In a few years, I know these problems will go away and be replaced with dating, driving, and teenagers. You know, maybe that diaper bag isn’t that bad.

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7 thoughts on “7 Things About Little Kids I Am Done With

  1. The Mean Mama

    hand me downs…. I can’t wait till my baby grows out of his older brothers clothes, every 6 months I empty another tote of clothes into an empty diaper box and pass them along, its therapeutic really.

  2. Matthew

    The screaming stops? Seriously, I figured it would go on forever haha. Great article, I just came across your blog tonight and I’ve been enjoying it. One thing though, we started out with two girls, then we had a boy. You need a boy, youre missing out on a whole New adventure haha

  3. Michele

    Yep, again, I”m with you. I miss NONE of this! I do miss the adoration, the tiny jeans and the mini person streaking after his bath. Teenagers are a blast though. Seriously! They are SO KNOWLEDGEABLE and have so much to TEACH YOU!!! 😉 hahhaaa
    Mine actually was SHOCKED to hear that I was up past midnight a “few” times in the 1980’s. hahahahah!! My response was, “Um yeah, I haven’t always been 50 you little fart”.

  4. Emma

    Hahaha #7 🙂 it’s like: “if you’re going to scream like that you’d better be on fire with a stick in your eye!” I’ve just discovered your blog and spent a happy hour reading a few past posts. I have a daughter and a son and I’m a stay at home mum, but otherwise (with the exception of the brain tumour) it’s like you’re writing my life too… Though thankfully I have yet to play Where’s The Poop – I feel your pain.

  5. Larry

    I think about what I will and won’t miss as my kids go through stages as well.
    Anyway, my kids are older than yours and there are some thing on that list that they are still trouble. My 7-year old is an early rise. We make him stay in his room till 630.Dinner can be a challenge – unless we eat the few things that the boys like. Also, my boys are loud!!!
    Good news is I have not touched a diaper in years and only butt I’m wiping is mine. Ahh, life is good.

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