Somehow, even though it is summer time, everyone in my house is sick. Well, everyone except me. Normally this would be a good thing. But it seems to be a problem for the rest of my family. I don’t know why, but whenever my wife or my kids became sick, I become a target. They say is misery loves company. Now, my entire family who claims to love me are determined to have me keep them company. All they seem to want is to get dad sick.
My families’ plan to get dad sick
While all of my family shares the same goal of getting me sick, they all go about it very differently.
My older daughter is the most subtle of the three about her attacks. Often they don’t seem to be aimed directly at me, but her desire to share germs is evident. She walks around coughing and refusing to cover her mouth. She, I’m sorry I know this is gross, will come up to me put her head on my shoulder and cough right in my face or over my food.
But the worst thing she does is blow her nose and then bring me the dirty, nasty tissues to throw away. Why she can’t put them in the trash I will never know. My only conclusion is she wants to share that misery I mentioned earlier.
My younger daughter is not nearly so subtle. She will walk right up to me and grab my shirt to wipe her nose. Apparently, she thinks that Hanes undershirts are a brand of facial tissue. She will ask me to pick her up so she can cough in my face.
A few days ago, when I was working on a blog post for this very blog, she ran to me and asked to be picked up. Being a good father, I picked her up like she asked. Once in my lap, she turned and sneezed directly on my the keyboard. But the worst has to be when I am eating or drinking something. If I am not paying attention she will walk up and shove her hands into what was my food, claiming it for herself. She will still offer me some but I am not going to eat anything that infected little snot factory has touched.
— Anthony Reinhart (@ajreinhart) May 5, 2017
The Boss is sick too.
Now I know what you might be thinking. “Aren’t you the boss of your house?” No, I am not even close to being in charge. It is when she is sick too that things really get hairy around here. I can kind of protect myself from the kid’s attempts to get me sick. But when the boss is in on it I am doomed.
While the kids’ are forced to limit their attacks on my health to when we are all awake, my wife launches her attacks covertly while I sleep. When she is sick she wants me close. Which would be sweet if she didn’t use that closeness to try and infect me.
Normally when we are both healthy sleeping is safe. I have my half of the bed and she has hers. We have plenty of space to be comfortable and I don’t have to worry about a mid-night kick to the plumbs when she rolls over. But when she is sick things change. Now I still have my half of the bed to sleep on, but now she has her half and borrows a good portion of mine.
There she will cough sneeze and breath all of those horrible germs right on to my pillow or into my face. If I was awake I could roll away and protect myself. But asleep I am helpless and unable to protect myself. This also why when I know she is sick I wear a cup. A cold is one thing, but being woken up by an assault on my manhood must be avoided at all costs.
Caught a virus from my toddler. Shocking because she only coughed/sneezed into my open mouth three times and licked the remotes twice. #sick #virus #snowday2018 #vicks #kleenex #SpringBreak #Sinusitis #Parenting #momlife #miserable #surprise #sendhelp #needanap #life #cough #cold
— Abby S. (@QuirkyMomCamera) March 24, 2018
Did I get sick?
It’s too early to tell. I was able to avoid getting the cold so far. But as you know, sometimes these things can linger. Then when I have set aside my guard and the bleach wipes, the cold might return for me. If my next post is about how I am sick and taking care of two kids you will know they won.
So far so good, but wish me luck. Until everyone is healthy they are all still trying to get Dad Sick. Besides, it is bad enough dealing with Sick Kids. I hate dealing with sick kids.