How To Steal Your Kids’ Halloween Candy and not get Caught

By | October 29, 2018

Yup, I steal My kids Halloween candy. Don’t go judging me. I know you do it too. It’s just like hiding beer in your coat while trick or treating, Every parent does it. 

Some are just better at not getting caught with their hand in their trick or treat bag. 

In my case, I am a pro at stealing candy. I have been doing it for years. That is why I am going to share a few tips with you. 

Know what candy to take.

Before you take anything, know, not all candy is created equal. Some is good some is bad and sometimes you find the holy grail that is a full size candy bar.

What’s that? Shocked that some houses give out full-size candy bars? It’s true. These people are the hero’s of the neighborhood. That or they are dentists looking to drum up some new business.

Keep an eye out for the good stuff. Mini candy bars, big suckers, and brand name taffy or gummies are always favorites. 

The rest of the bag is just cheap generic candy. You know what I am talking full-size. It’s the stuff given out by old people and people that must have never tried candy before. 

After much research, my advice is to go for the good stuff. The full-size bars are too noticeable. Let’s be honest the cheap stuff isn’t worth the effort.

The Candy

Ok, now that now that you know what we are looking for let’s talk about the more covert ways of getting your kids candy.

Don’t take the junk. 

Remember that bad candy I mentioned earlier? Don’t take it. It isn’t worth your effort. If you really want to eat somthing disapointing go eat some fruit. You will be just as disapointed and it is less effort. 

Know their hiding spot.

Look kids aren’t that bright. Find out where they are hiding the candy. Check drawers, closets, show boxes, or under the bed. Be aware of any booby traps or things that might tip them off that you were there.

Bonus points to any parent that can convince their kids to let them keep the candy safe. You know so their sibling won’t steal any. 

Know what you can take.

Every kid has a favorite. As much as you might want it, I’m warning you don’t take this piece of candy. I guarantee they have counted it a million times and know exactly how much of it is in there.

There is no quicker way to get caught then to take the piece of candy your kid has been dreaming of all day.

Don’t be greedy.

I know it’s tempting but only take one piece at a time. If you take too much at once the kids will notice the amount getting smaller. 

Also, do you really need five mini Snickers bars? Yes. The answer is Yes. But still don’t be greedy.

Don’t create your own stash.

If you can find their stash they can find yours. Then you get stuck in this circle where you just keep stealing from each other.

Plus why put in the work? Let you kids hide the candy. Just make sure you know where it is.

Encourage them to eat some.

How To Steal Your Kids’ Halloween Candy and not get Caught

Just like the last one, this one seems a little counter-intuitive. I mean the more they eat the less there is for you.

BUT if they are eating some to it will cover the dwindling amount of candy. There is no better excuse to give when asked where the candy went. “You ate it.”

Hide the evidence.

This is one I had to learn the hard way. There is no point in going through all this effort if you are going to leave the wrappers sitting out to be found.

Put the wrappers someplace they kids will never check like the trash they will never take out. Or in the empty milk carton that no one but me seems to be able to throw away. 

The Lesson

One last thing before I should acknowledge one other the other tactic.

Make your kids pay a candy tax.

In this case, the kids have to give a percentage of their candy to their parents. Or in a more socialistic way all of the candy to be shared.

I am not a big fan of this method. Your kids will have plenty of time to feel that depressing sinking feeling you get whenever you look at your pay stub. 

These parents rationalize this face to face theft by saying they are teaching the kids something. Instead of being devious like other adults, they are just being lazy.

They should be good parents and protect their kids by stealing from them when they don’t know it and then lying to their face.

One last trick

There is one last thing you can do to get more candy. It is a tough one I admit. You can have more kids. Normally I don’t really advocate for Large families with a lot of kids. But more kids mean more bags to pull from, which means more candy for you.

Of course, if you feel like this is all too much work for one little candy bar you can always Click Here.

Want to help out your friends? Share this infographic on your favorite social media site so they too can pilfer their children’s candy and not get busted. 

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