7 Reasons Why People With Large Families Are Crazy

By | October 23, 2018

While sitting on Facebook today, I was some pictures of some large families with 4, 5, 6 or more kids. It didn’t take long before these pictures brought me to the only possible conclusion. These people are crazy

Besides trying to get a show on TLC I can’t come up with a good reason to have that may kids.

Just the thought of that many kids scares me. I barely made it through two toddlers with my sanity intact. I don’t like my chances of doing it a third time. 

Before I get too critical I will admit I do admire the patience and dedication these parents have. To be able to provide for and raise that many kids is amazing to me. But, that being said, I still think they are completely nuts.

Why is it so crazy? I was able to come up with seven reasons why having such a large family is crazy. 

7 – The world was not made for a family that size.

I will get the obvious one out of the way first. The world was not designed with large families in mind.

Take a look at an average car. Not your massive land boat SUV’s that are bigger than the apartment I lived in when I first went to college. But the type of normal car most people drive.

It is designed with four seats for four people. Well, I guess you can say five if you count that middle seat in the back that you make whatever kid you love least sit in.

The same with restaurant booths, square tables, or even the number of burgers in a family pack. Our world is built for families of four.

Now I know some of you ready to rebel. Thinking that just because society encourages four-member families doesn’t mean we have to abide by it. Normally I would agree with you.

But in this case, society is looking out for you. Many couples after having their second kid will be tempted for a third. They forget the discomfort of pregnancy. The lack of sleep and dirty diapers of a newborn.

Heck, they have probably blocked out the absolute hell that is raising a toddler.

6 – You are finally done with bottles, baby food, and wiping a butt that isn’t yours.

Taking care of young kids is hard.

They are constantly trying to hurt themselves and cry whenever they need something. Whenever you leave the house you have to pack like you are leaving on a four day weekend.

They never allow you a break during the day and if you can sleep for 4 hours straight your kid is having a good night. 

What do you get for your sacrifices? A diaper full of what I am going to call “appreciation” that you have to clean up.

The good news is if you are to the point of considering another kid you are probably done or almost done with these horrors.

The bad news is for some reason you want to do it again. I don’t know what type of masochist you are but you might want to go get some professional help.

5 – Children are expensive

Do you realize how much kids cost? According to the very unscientific study I conducted that consisted of looking at my credit card bill, let me tell you kids are really expensive.

Just think of what you could do with all that money you were going to spend on another kid. You could buy things like, or you could go…….

Well, let’s be honest. Any extra money you might have will just end up going to your current kids. 

Think about it. More school clothes to buy, more gifts at Christmas, a bigger house, a bigger car, even food!

So new argument. How can you take things away from your children whom you profess to love? 

Oh, and don’t hope for the tax break. I looked into it and Kids are the most expensive tax break ever. 

4 – Naming things is hard. 

Anyone who has ever had a pet or a kid can tell you coming up with the perfect name is tough. Large families have work through this many many times.

One solution I see many large families use is to come up with some sort of cute naming scheme. For example, every kid has a name that starts with a J, Our they are all named after famous athletes from the same team. Maybe, if your family is a little nerdy they all have names of Star Wars characters.

This is fine for the first few kids with names like Josh, Janell,  James or Jenny. But sooner or later you run out of common names end up with a Jannik or a Javawnte.

By the way, Javawnte is a real name on a baby naming website. It means unclear which just the perfect description of how to say this name.

3 – Your house is a death trap.

Do you remember when you are getting ready for your first child? How you went through out the house baby proofing everything and making sure it was perfectly safe?

Then when your second came along you picked up a little, and figured that any baby proofing the first kid didn’t break was all you needed? 

Now it is time for number three. There is nothing left that is baby proofed. You have gotten tired of undoing the lock on the toilet, and long ago broke the latches on the cabinets.

Your house is no longer safe. You now need to decide what is more important. Baby proofing or keeping things as easy as possible for the two kids who have already survived this long.

I know my house is unsafe. My girls have broken every attempt at baby proofing I tired.  In fact, the only thing that is still baby safe is my bourbon because I put it on a high shelf to keep it safe.

If I am being honest I didn’t do this for baby proofing. I did it because my wife is 5’1 (according to her) and I don’t want to share.

2 – You already don’t have enough time to get things done.

What so many people seem to forget is more kids take more time. It’s simple math. I mean I understand it so it can’t be that hard. 

Right now you have maybe an hour of your day that isn’t already filled with one of your kid’s activities.

Kids take time. There is nothing revolutionary about that statement. The few breaks you get during the day can be the oasis in the desert that keeps you sane.

When the next kid arrives even that 20 or so minutes you have while the kids are watching Netflix will be gone. Filled with the needs of a new baby.

1 – The older kids will help with the younger kids is a lie

I saved this one for last because it is the biggest lie you will ever hear from large families.

The older kids will help look after the younger ones.

 I am a responsible adult. I am an adult and I am barely capable of taking care of my kids and you want to have a kid do it? 

Think about all of the dumb things your kids do. I’m sure you probably didn’t have to think too hard to come up with something.

I mean my kids still believe in the impossible like flying reindeer, the Detroit Lions winning the Superbowl, or that Grandpa is telling the truth when he says that smell is coming from the dog. 

If by chance your kids are that spread out far enough that you have and a responsible teenager and a newborn, may God have mercy on your soul.

I guess I don’t understand Large Families

All joking aside I wanted to end this post with a bit of support for large families.

Kids are hard. Are hard and I for the life of me can’t figure out why would anyone what to do this 4 or 5 times?

The only reason I can come up with for more kids is to make your family complete. Sometimes families have a missing piece, and that piece is a child that has yet to be born. 

So parents of large families. My hat’s off to you. What you are doing is tough, and I admit up I am not man enough to handle it. I am glad you can.

If one day it having a ton of kids is ever too much for you just remember. You can always try for that TV show on TLC.

If you want to know more about why my wife and I stopped at two check out. The 3 Reasons Why I Don’t Wish I Had a Son.

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7 thoughts on “7 Reasons Why People With Large Families Are Crazy

  1. kzoodad Post author

    No offense taken. I meant the better man thing I as a compliment. The very idea of 12 kids scared me so much I slept on the couch for two nights just to be safe.

  2. Jaime Buckley

    Now waaaait sec. I’m gonna defend you now, little brother.
    This ain’t a contest. I went back and looked at my comment and it sounded like I was mocking you guys. I wasn’t. Sorry for that.
    I was just in shock…cause I can’t relate, that’s all. I’m also the oldest of 18 kids (2 marriages)…so having 12 kids was like, “Sure, sounds normal…”
    SOOOO, to be totally fair, Bryan, the fact that you HAVE kids…and you love them, and stick around….in MY book?
    You ROCK.

  3. kzoodad Post author

    12?!? Wow your a better man then I. Just thinking about that many kids scares me.

  4. Jaime Buckley

    (puts hands up and waves them)
    HAHAHAHAHAHA! I…can’t…..
    Ok, this has to be the best post for me to stumble across at the end of the day.
    Thank you, Bryan–truly. You’re awesome.
    I’m a dad of 12.
    Nope, not a typo…TWELVE children. I also work from home, my wife is a stay at home mother–awesome woman–and I write middle grade fantasy for a living.
    Now, I spend every day mixing with the mommy bloggers out there and today i decided, “Hey, I gotta go see where the crud all the guys are!” I mean, I hear about the daddy bloggers, but where are they?
    …and BAM! Here you are =)
    I don’t know how to take this info guys. It’s not a contest, having kids–but I’ve come form a large family, my wife told me 2 hours before we got married over a quarter of a century ago that she wanted 12 children, so hey–in November 2014, we had #12.
    The oldest three are married and we’re grandparents too (4 grandchildren so far).
    Huh. Yeah.
    The more I talk to you guys, the odder it sounds–at least in comparison.
    After people start breathing again from hearing “Twelve Kids” they always ask, ‘How many boys, how many girls?”
    Answer is always the same.
    “I have all boys but 8.”

  5. Andy

    We have four too. We always thought we’d stop at three, but we got there and our family didn’t feel complete. Now it does. It is a lot to do, but our spread is enough that we have two kids who can entertain themselves (7.5 and 5.5). So while it is crazy, like MVaughan said, it doesn’t feel overwhelming.

  6. MVaughn

    I never in a million years would have dreamed I would have 4 kids. But here I am, the oldest is 5, the youngest is 3 months, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Just like what was said before, the oldest is pretty self sufficient, and she goes to school during the day. So while I’m at work mommy just has the 3 kids. The 3 year old and the 1.5 can watch tv or play on their leap pads while mommy feeds the baby, and then they all play together until the oldest and I get home.
    It is a challenge, but it’s worth it. We still have the instances of kids pooping in diapers and deciding to investigate it with their hands, while another kid is on the potty needing to be wiped and the baby is crying. Its almost always exciting.
    But a bigger family doesn’t always mean bigger things. We were forced to downgrade our home right before the baby was born. And the only way to fit 6 comfortably, since they all have car seats, and not spend a ton on gas is mini vans. But, just like it was said, we manage. And it’s pretty awesome.

  7. Life With Teens and Other Wild Things

    That’s hilarious…
    I stopped at 2, as well, mostly because I think a third pregnancy, after the first two, would’ve given my poor obstetrician a nervous breakdown. She started getting twitchy about half way into my second (complications that just kept adding up), and my son deciding to be born facing the wrong way didn’t help her blood pressure any. I’m thankful for my healthy two, and heeded her warnings that a third time might not be so lucky.
    But having been the youngest of 14 (yes, really.), I will say it’s not as bad as you might think. By the time number 4 comes along, usually, the eldest are old enough to start doing things like entertaining their shorter sibs. If you put 2-3 years between kids, by the time you have 4, the eldest is old enough to change diapers. Win. lol By the time I came along, I had 6 “mothers” lol. Teenage sisters are charmed by a toddler, at least part of the time.
    How do people feed all those kids and provide for them? They manage. Even my sis who had 4, and ended up a single mom at 23, did all right, and all of hers are grown with kids of their own, working and going to college and making something good out of their lives. It’s not easy- parenting never is- but it can be done.
    I’m with you though. Two is a good number. 🙂

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