You read the title, and this is the truth. I am a liar. I am not talking about the lies I tell my kids like that the park is closed because it’s hot and I don’t want to go. This isn’t about the lies I tell other parents like that their kids aren’t annoying little shits. These are the lies I tell my self, and maybe my wife. The things I say so I don’t look dumb or less masculine.
The Lie – I hate children’s programming.
The Truth – Hate is such a strong word. To be honest, a lot of children’s programming is horrible. A lot of it I would be happy to never have to see again. But others, I enjoy watching just as much as the kids do. I am a grown man with grown man responsibilities. I am about as far as the target audience of these shows as you can possibly get. But for a few of the shows my kids watch, I am more excited about a new episode then my girls. My secret shame? On more than one occasion I couldn’t wait and watched a new episode without my kids. Please don’t tell them. I will never hear the end of it.
The Lie – These snacks are for the kids.
Truth – This probably isn’t much of a revelation to anyone who has seen my rapidly expanding waistline. But that stuff is good. When I am shopping I rarely buy these treats for my self. They are for the kids. But once we get home, they end up being mine. I am going to eat the junk food, and then probably tell my wife the kids did it so I can go buy more. I may have a problem.
The Lie – I love to watch my girls sports events
The Truth – I can’t think of a worse way to spend a Saturday than to watch young kids play sports. The first time it was cute. But from the second time on it was tedious. Now don’t misunderstand me. I love seeing my girls have fun, and I will support them in whatever they endeavor to do. I will be at every event I can and I know that when they get older and start actually playing the sport I will enjoy it.
But for now, How anyone can enjoy watching a mass of little girls somehow not kick a soccer ball is amazing to me. But soccer is nothing compared to watching a swim meet. You sit for hours so you can watch your kid swim for one minute. At least, in this case, the athletes and I have something in common. We both want them to get done as fast as possible.
— Bryan Alkire (@kzoodad) June 2, 2018
I’m a Lie- I don’t have a favorite kid.
The Truth – I know it isn’t ok to say this but if I am honest with myself it is true. I have a favorite. Which one I am sure you are wondering? Well, it all depends on how each kid is behaving at the moment. When one is playing quietly, while her sister is throwing a fit about the color of the cup she wants, the quiet one is my favorite. When it is 2am and one is asleep, and the other is awake and crying? The sleeping kid is definitely my favorite. The only time they are ever truly equal in my mind is when they are fighting. At that time, I pretty much just annoyed with both of them.
If you want to know about some of the lies I tell my kids, check out how Santa Made Me Lie If you are a liar let me know in the comments, and please share this to anyone who is lying to themselves. Thanks for reading