Mom, Dad, I’m Sorry

By | February 20, 2019

Mom, Dad, I am sorry. Like really sorry. Like so sorry I had to put it 3 times at the top of the page. Why am I sorry? I must have been a pretty bad kid for what you did to me to be necessary. Mom, Dad, you might be confused as to what I am talking about,  I know how hard it is for you old folks to remember things. But don’t worry I will explain everything.

It was back when I was a pretty young kid. I committed what can only be called a minor transgression the normal sort of thing kids do every day. Or at least I didn’t think it was a big deal. But apparently, you did because that is when you did it. You administered a punishment so harsh that I continue to suffer from to this very day.

I don’t know why you did it,  I didn’t think I was that difficult a child. Rambunctious and curious maybe, I know I kept you on your toes but I wasn’t that bad was I? I never thought so but apparently, I was wrong.
I was wrong because you saw fit to curse me.

I hope you have a child just as bad as you are when you grow up

– my mom

Yes, it is the curse leveled on the head of thousands of kids around the world. That is the horror you wished for me, the child who you CLAIM to love. Well congratulations, you got your wish.

My Kids

I am not saying my girls are bad, or out of control. Well, at least not all the time. They do sleep after all. Sometimes we might go entire minutes without an argument, tantrum or tears. We will sit on one of the few pieces of furniture the girls haven’t been able to stain or destroy and enjoy a movie or play a game.

But then there are the other times. The times when nothing goes right. When they are mad or cranky and I am going to pay. They push me to my limit and beyond. Using up every last bit of strength and sanity I have left. On these days, saying they are naughty just doesn’t seem like a strong enough word. These days they are just bad.

The house is destroyed

Even when they aren’t misbehaving this are tough. Nothing is ever put away and it is starting to mess with me. Only last week my wife asked me to help her put the laundry away. I took it upstairs and threw it on the floor. When she saw this my wife angrily asked me why I did it. I was honest. I told her that I was so used to seeing it there I just figured that was where we were keeping it now.

In our living room, I no longer know what color our carpet started out as but right now it is the same color as the girl’s favorite cereal that has been ground into the carpet. I will never understand how they can love that cereal so much, and still spill half of it on the ground. I never spilled the food I love. If you don’t believe me find some of the older pictures of me on this site. It is clear I didn’t miss many meals.
But that isn’t the worst part.

The Fighting.

The fighting is the worst part. Mom, I can’t believe I ever fought with my sister the way my girls fight with each other. If I did I probably wouldn’t still be here. I mean, it’s pretty common knowledge my sister could beat me up.

It seems like the girls are in a constant argument.  Being the confident dad I am I will step in to break up the fight. Unfortunately, I am confident, not bright. Man, I hate admitting my dad was right. As soon as I attempt to break up the fight the girls combined their powers and turn on me like a whiny, crying Voltron. I don’t win these battles very often.

It never ends. One sisterly argument ends only for a new one to start moments later. In the rare case, everyone is getting along, it is because they are probably plotting something horrible to do.

The Noise

That’s right even when they are getting along things aren’t going smooth. They might be happy but still, attack me with noise. There is never quiet. Someone is always crying, or screaming or “singing”. If they aren’t yelling than a toy is playing some horrible song or sound effect over and over and over. A quick warning to my sister and my brother in law. I am keeping track of every beeping, banging, buzzing toy you give the girls. Every month a few dollars goes into the fund to afford the drum sets any future nieces or nephews will be receiving.

I’m sorry

Mom, Dad I’m sorry. If I did to you what these two are doing to me, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how bad I really was, or what I put you through. If I acted like this, believe me, I regret it and am sorry. I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

WAIT! I just thought of something. Maybe I wasn’t that bad of a kid after all. Maybe I was a perfect child. The evil force that lives inside of my children may have come from somewhere else. Maybe my wife was a bad child. Maybe it was My mother – in – law that cursed my wife and I am just an innocent bystander. The days when the girls are pleasant, happy and a joy to be around, those are the days they are like me. The days when they are so awful that I break out the bourbon by 9:30 am are when they are like my wife. She was the evil one! My mother-in-law did this to me.

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