Ok, I admit that title is a little misleading. I am not happy that my then four-year-old had said her first four-letter word. I was hoping she would be a little older before she started swearing. Also, I am not happy that I am going to have to be very careful from now on with what I say. When I watch sports I can get quite involved in the games. Sometimes when my team is doing poorly I am known to let a bit of profanity slip out, repeatedly and at length. For those that watch NFL football, you will understand. I am a Detroit Lions fan so “doing poorly” is a situation I am quite familiar with.
But when it happened I was happy. The reason for this is despite the many, many opportunities for me to be at blame when something like this happens, this time someone else is to blame.
— Mom (@MOMinthePNW) January 26, 2017
3, Her swearing is not my fault.
The fault for this incident lays squarely on the shoulders of my beautiful wife. You have to understand my wife is rarely heard swearing or letting any sort of profanity escape her lips. But this time she lost it. A car that had cut her off taking the parking spot she was waiting for.
Then it happened. “You piece of S*%t” she said a little too loud. What she forgot was that there were two little parrots in car seats behind us listening to every word she said. It was then that we heard it. “Mommy, what’s a piece of S*%t?”
We both went quiet but for different reasons. My wife was mortified, embarrassed at what she had just taught our daughter. I, on the other hand, I was quiet because I knew that if I laughed my wife would end me. Yes, I’m a 6′ tall 200+ pound man who is scared of my (allegedly) 5’1 (how stupid do you think I am ), wife.
2, A teaching opportunity
Our daughter asked a second time and my poor wife turned to me for help. I said nothing, still afraid that if I opened my mouth the result would be my kids growing up without a father. Thinking quickly, and deciding I was no help (she was right), my wife did what any good parent would do. She ignored the question and quickly changed the subject.
We were meeting Grandma at this restaurant and my wife quickly directed my daughter to look for Grandma instead of wondering the meaning of that new word Mommy just used. It worked. I have to admit I was impressed, and a little scared of my wife’s Jedi mind trick. ( I think I now know why I do the dishes as often as I do.)
— Nikki (@Blink182sknpkl) June 12, 2013
1, The best part for me at least
It was now my turn to administer the lecture that I normally receive. The “don’t do that in front of the kids” speech that I hear whenever I act like an idiot and the kids are watching. I kept it short, ( I knew she knew it. She has repeated it to me on numerous occasions), and just reminded her not to swear in front of the children. (I said children to sound more scholarly).
In the years since my daughter has not used that word again. I’m sure she will, and that time it will probably be my fault. But not this time. This time, I was happy because it wasn’t my fault.